Short Free Jokes & Funny Pictures

A blonde travels to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She meets a foreman of a logging organization who offers to give her a job.

“Now, I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day,” the foreman told her.

The blonde woman didn’t see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best.

She came back drenched in sweat.

“Geez lady, how many trees did you cut down?” asked the foreman. “6!” she replied.

“What!? You have to do beter than that. Get up earlier tommorow!”

So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted.

“How many this time?” asked the foreman.

“12!” she said.

The foreman says, “That does it. I’m coming out there with you tommorow morning!”

The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, “This is how to cut down trees really quickly.”

He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM.

He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically, so he asks her what’s wrong.

She replies, “What the hell is that god-awful noise?!”

Two friends used to stop off at a bar for a beer now and again. And after a few weeks only one of the guys would stop off and he would have two beers. The barman wonders and asked him about the story.

He said “the man used to come with me is a very close friend but now he has travelled, and in order not to miss him i drink the two drinks as we used to do.”

A week later the man went to the bar and ordered only one drink, the barman asked “what’s wrong with your friend that you ordered only one drink” he replied “my friend is alright, I only gave up drinking myself.”

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”

Three mothers are sitting on bench in the park.
The dark haired mother says “I was cleaning my daughters room last night and I found a pack of cigaretts, I had no idea she smoked!”

The red-headed mother says “Well I have something much worse, I was cleaning my daughters room last night and I found a bottle of vodka, I had no idea she drank!”

The blonde mother turns to them both and said “I was cleaning my daughter’s room last night and I found a box of condoms, I had no idea she had a penis!”

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!”

The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink.”

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, “You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then they take you in the back and get you laid!”

“Wow!” say the other two. “That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”

“No,” replies the Polish guy, “but it happened to my sister!”