How to be sure if someone is an Idiot?

You can be sure someone is an idiot when he/she:

Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said concentrate.

Puts lipstick on their forhead because he wanted to makeup his mind.

Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

Sends a fax with a stamp on it.

Was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin FREE LAYS!”

Tries to drown a fish.

If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you’d get change.

Thinks socialism means partying.

Trips over a cordless phone.

Takes a ruler to bed to see how long they slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says SIGN HERE he put Sagittarius.”

Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Studies for a blood test and fails.

Invents a solar powered flashlight.

Sells the car for gas money.

Heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moves.

Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 bus twice instead.

Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said, Airport left, he turned around and went home.

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burnt pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thought that was rather strange.

Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gomer said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”

“What? He had two assholes?” said the mortician.

“Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.’

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: “We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing - assume the brace position immediately!”

Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.

Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: “What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to freaking crash!”

Claudia responds: I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces- which is why I am putting on my make-up.”

Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: “Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die!” Cindy responds: “I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the women with big beautiful breasts- which is why I am exposing my tits!”

Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt and panties to expose her “love triangle.” Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: “Naomi - Are you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for everyone to see??” Calmly, Naomi responds: “BITCHES PLEASE! I know for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for in plane crashes is a black box!!”