A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane asylum that is renowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods. They begin by visiting some of the patients.

The first patient they visit is a young woman. She is practicing ballet. One of the psychiatrist asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I’m studying ballet so when I get out of here I can possibly join a troupe and be a productive member of society.”

“Wow, that’s wonderful.”

The next person was a man reading a book with a pile of books next to him. The same question asked to him, “What are you doing?” “I’m studying biology, chemistry, etc. so I can enter medical school when I get out.”

Room after room they witnessed the incredible success and attitudes of the patients. Until they finally reached a room the asylums director was reluctant to open. Finally he was persuaded to open it.

Inside was a man balancing a peanut on his penis.

The reaction of the psychiatrist, “My God what are you doing?”

“I’m fucking nuts and I’m never getting out of here!”

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor.

The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..” He is interrupted by the doctor, “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?”

“Yes! Exactly! How did you know?”

“Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I, myself, suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength, and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.”

Two weeks go by and the man is back, “Well, how do you feel?”

“Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a single headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. Oh and, by the way, you have a lovely home.”