10. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Error 404″ message?

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even on MTV.

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an “Under Construction” sign.

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

3. You just can’t find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.

2. Set-top boxes don’t beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

1. You can’t surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size.

9. We’d all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.

8. The U.S. government would get subsidies from an automaker–a first.

7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single “General Car Fault” warning light.

6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads.

5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.

4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or CarNT - but then you would have to buy more seats.

3. Occasionally your car would die for no apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.

2. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you’d have to buy a new car.

1. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company’s production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

“This”, he said, “is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it.”

At which a Clever Dick stepped forward — there is always one — and spoke into the Ultimate Computer’s microphone.

“Where is my father”?, he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words, “Fishing off Florida.”

Clever Dick laughed.

“Actually,” he said, “my father is dead”!

It had been a tricky question!!

The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Dick thought, went to the Ultimate Computer and this time said, “Where is my mother’s husband”?

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights.

And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, “Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.”