God called a meeting of Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates and said: “I’ve given you all the tools you needed to make a better world - you’ve blown it and I’m ending the world in two weeks.”

Bill Clinton went on TV and said “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God exists. The bad news is that the world will end in two weeks.”

Boris Yeltsin called his advisors together and said “I have bad news and really bad news. The bad news is that God exists. The really bad news is that the world will end in two weeks.”

Bill Gates called his co-workers together and said “I have good news and really good news. The good news is that God thinks I am one of the three most powerful people in the world. The really good news is that we don’t have to fix the bugs in Windows 95.”

One morning, on his way out to check on the cattle, the rancher says to Amy, “The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today.

I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow’s stall in the barn.

You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?”

So then the rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one…right here.”

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks, “Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?”

“That’s simple. By the nail over its stall.” Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, “What’s the nail for?”

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells
Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this
year I’m gonna do it a little different!

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years
ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got
pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline
didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s
different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.”