There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Two bats in cave, the 1st bat says

“i’m hungry i could do with some sweet blood”,

and the second bat says

“don’t be silly you can’t get sweet blood at this time, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning the only time you can get sweet blood is from humans and they usually shut their windows and doors”

and the 1st bat says

“I don’t care, i’ll look for fox, cat or dogs because i’m so hungry”

so the 2nd bat says to him,

“good luck”

so the 1st bat flys of, five seconds later the bat fly’s back covered in blood so bat No 2 gets all excited and says

“ere where did you find all that blood”

and the 1st bat replies

“you see that big tree over there”

and the 2nd bat says

“yes”

and the first bat replies

“good i’m glad, because i f**king didn,t”

A surgeon, an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession.

The surgeon says: “Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can’t go back further than that.”

The architect says: “Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can’t go back any further than THAT!”

The lawyer puffs his cigar and says: “Gentlemen, Gentlemen…who do you think created the CHAOS??!!”