If your toddler has more teeth than you, you might just be a redneck.
A man got really drunk one night in his local pub.
The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home.
The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away.
He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he’d be grand.
So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home.
When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again.
He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep.
When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night.
He denied it but she said, “I know you were there…” he maintained his innocence until “…the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again….”
20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew.
The brunette’s word was quizzical.
The redhead’s word was photosynthesis.
The blonde’s word was dick.
When you call a dog, they usually come to you.
When you call a cat; they take a message.
How many yankees does it take to screw in an lightbulb?
None, that’s what rednecks are for.