If your toddler has more teeth than you, you might just be a redneck.

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub.

The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home.

The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away.

He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he’d be grand.

So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home.

When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again.

He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep.

When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night.

He denied it but she said, “I know you were there…” he maintained his innocence until “…the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again….”

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.

A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew.

The brunette’s word was quizzical.

The redhead’s word was photosynthesis.

The blonde’s word was dick.

When you call a dog, they usually come to you.

When you call a cat; they take a message.

How many yankees does it take to screw in an lightbulb?

None, that’s what rednecks are for.

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one ticket between the two of them.

Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. When the conductor knocks on the door they slip the ticket under the door, the conductor clips it and slides it back under the door and off he goes.

On the return journey the Yankees fans decide to pull the same trick and purchase only one ticket for the two of them. They notice that yet again the two Red Sox supporters only have one ticket between them. The Yankees fans realize there is only one bathroom per carriage and quickly take the lead, locking themselves in first, leaving the Red Sox fans with nowhere to go.

A minute later the Red Sox fan without a ticket strolls over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.

She is so blonde that when she missed the 44 bus,

she took the 22 bus twice instead.

A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter and said “Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender on my tab.”

Every one got a drink and thanked the man. After a while he man said “Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender.

Put it on my tab.”Everybody got their drinks and thanked the man.”

The bar tender pulled the man to the side and asked him “You know this is going to be a lot of money, can you pay for this? The man said “No”.
The bar tender took the man in the back, beat him up, and threw him out the back door.

The man brushed himself off, and went back into the bar.

He sat down and said “Drinks, everybody, on me.

Except for you bar tender, you don’t know how to act when you get drunk

Yo Mamas so dumb, she thought that the the International Dateline was a global dating service.