Why is it so hot at Phillies games?

Because there’s not a fan in the place.

1. You’ve ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

2. Your wife’s hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.

3. You go to your family reunion to pick up women.

4. Your richest relative buys a new house — and you have to help him take the wheels off it.

5. You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment!

6. Your family tree does not fork.

7. You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.

8. You’ve lost more than two teeth opening beer bottles.

9. You helped your cousin move his refrigerator — and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

10. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income!

There was a married blonde who was very conscious about her stupidity to her husband, so she decides to make it up to him by painting the house while he’s at work.

When her husband came home, the house was suspiciously green and smelled like paint, so he went to his wife to see what’s going on. On entering the bedroom, his wife stood there wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket while still painting.

The husband said, “I like what you did to the house, but why are you wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket?”

The blonde responds, “When I was reading the instructions on the can, it said ‘FOR BEST RESULTS, USE TWO COATS!’”