What looks like an elephant and is dangerous?

An elephant with a machine gun!

Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. “Chet, I’ve got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let’s try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo store salesman.”

“OK,” says Ivan.

After a while, Ivan says, “I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don’t get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car.”

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says, “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.

The doctor says, “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.

The mathematician says, “You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife, you can do some mathematics.