A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce.

The attorney asked, “May I help you?”

The farmer said, “Yeah, I want to get one of them dayvorces.”

The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?”

The farmer said, “Yeah, I got about 140 acres.”

The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?”

The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”

The farmer said, “Yeah, I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?”

The farmer said, “Yes, sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”

The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney said, “Okay, let me put it this way: why do you want a divorce?”

The farmer replied, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young programmer, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The programmer said, “In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit’s package.”

The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company Corvette leased every 2 years?”

The programmer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”

The HR Person replied, “Certainly, …but you started it.”

This really tough Hells-Angel type bursts into a bar and strides up to the middle of the bar. He orders a beer, gulps it down, turns to the people at the left end of the bar and growls “All you down there… You’re all a bunch of queer cock suckers!” he gulps down a second beer and turns to the right side of the bar. “You’re all a bunch of stupid mother fuckers.”

All is still for a moment until a guy at the right end gets up. The Hells Angel says “Where the fuck you going?”

The guy says “I’m at the wrong end of the bar.”