A blonde went to her mail box several times way before it was time for the mailman to make his rounds.

A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.

“No,” she replied, “My computer keeps telling me I have mail.”

A farmer is sitting in the village pub getting pissed. A man comes in and asks the farmer,
‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?’

Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’

Man: ‘So what happened that is so horrible?’

Farmer: ‘Well, if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over’

Man: ‘That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?’

Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain. ‘

Man: ‘So then what happened?’

Farmer: ‘I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over. ‘

Man: ?Again? So what did you do then?’

Farmer: ‘I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. ‘

Man: ?And then what.’

Farmer: ‘I sat back down and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.’

Man: ‘Wow, you must have been pretty upset.’

Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’

Man: ‘So then what did you do?’

Farmer: ‘Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.’

A man and his wife are sitting on the couch and the man starts to get amorous.
His wife pushes him away and shakes her head no. The man asks his wife “Honey…what’s wrong?”.

His wife says “I can’t darling, it’s Lent.”

To which the husband replies “Lent? To whom and for how much?”