There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and says “Jump frog, jump!”. The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book: ‘Frog with 4 legs - jumps 2 feet’.

Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment. “Jump frog jump!” he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet. So he writes in his lab book: ‘Frog with 3 legs - jumps 1.5 feet’.

He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes in his book: ‘Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot’.

He continues and removes yet another leg. ” Jump frog jump!” and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. So he writes in his lab book again: ‘Frog with one leg - jumps 0.5 feet’.

Finally he chops off the last leg. He puts the frog on the line and teels it to jump. “Jump frog, jump!”. The frog doesn’t move. “Jump frog, jump!!!”. Again the frog stays on the line. “Come on frog, jump!”. But to no avail.

The biologist finally writes in his book: ‘Frog with no legs - goes deaf’

The following are actual signs found on church property.

“No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace.”

“Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!”

“Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.”

“Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!”

An ad for St. Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.”

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the church reciprocated with its own message: “We are open on Sundays, too.”

“Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons-come hear one!”

A singing group called “The Resurrection” was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, “The Resurrection is postponed.”

“People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.”

“God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.”

“Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!”

“When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.”

“Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.”

“Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily.”

“How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?”

“Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives”

“Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.”

“Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children.”

“It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.”

“Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.”

“If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.”

“If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.”

“Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.”

“This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?” —> (U R)

“Forbidden fruit creates many jams.”

“In the dark? Follow the Son.”

“Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.”

“If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.”

1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.

3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.

4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.

5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.

6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.

7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.

8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don’t.

9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.

10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.

11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.

12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.

13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they’re entitled to a little fun first.

14. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

15. Republicans sleep in twin beds–some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.