A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to recommend a good drink. The bartender says that their grasshoppers are very good, so the man orders one. Then he has another couple.On the way home henotices a grasshopper on the ground. He says to the grasshopper, “do you know that there is a drink named after you?”The grasshopper looks up at the man and says “do you mean they have a drink called Irving?”

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn’t stop. He hit the bunny head on. Once the man knew what had happened, he quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, laying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter bunny. The man cried out, “Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter bunny!” The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertable. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was. The man explained, “I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter Day, and it’s all my fault.” The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny. Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, “What is that stuff in that bottle?” The woman replied, “It’s harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave.”

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, “I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?” Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, “Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn’t believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient.”
“Oh,” says the little girl, “I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch.”