Q. How do baseball players stay cool?
A. Sit next to their fans

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon, bragging to one another about their successful sons. The first woman tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic woman chirps in, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third woman crone says, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he’s called ‘Your Eminence’.”

Since the fourth woman just sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle, “Well…?” sort of look.

“My son is 6′2″ has broad square shoulders is terribly handsome and dresses exceptionally well. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say ‘Oh my God…’.”

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition.”

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman’s hand. He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, “Paint my house.”