One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had movedinto the house next door. He was also quick to noticethat the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usuallyin a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair ofbreasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as muchas possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he couldstand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor’shouse, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man,opened the door.”Excuse me”, our man stammered, “but I couldn’t help noticing howbeautiful your wife is.”"Yeah? So?” his hulking neighbor replied.”Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breastsare. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss thosebreasts.”The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appearsand stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for afew moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside.”OK,” the husband says gruffly, “for ten thousand dollars you can kissmy wife’s tits.”At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desirehang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rubhis face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes,until the husband gets annoyed. “Well, come on already, kiss ‘em!” hegrowls.”I can’t” replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.”Why not?” demands the husband, getting really angry now.”I don’t have ten thousand dollars.”

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft’s rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:mstv.dinn.//08.5min@@50%heat//Then enter:ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter:ms.no.good/tryagainagain/again.crap.This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn’t work, contact your hardware vendor.Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items.If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don’t want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after ‘98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.Blonde#1: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!Blonde#2: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!