3 new bonds are being issued:
* Lewinsky bond: Has no maturity
* Gore bond: Has no interest
* Clinton bond: Has no principle.

“WHAT IF DR. SEUSS DID TECHNICAL WRITING”

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has
an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data
is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s
hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the
network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets
want to tunnel on another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by
the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the
side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as
a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ’cause
as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, and the
microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to
flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn
off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.

Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you had “a friend” who “Knows all about computers” try to fix
it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself.
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

l8. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

l9. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__