Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, “You man the guns, I’ll drive.”

A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].Several periods of time later — it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic — the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.

A practical medicine exam. The first co-ed walks in. Professor:- Spit here. How, take the microscope and tell me what that is?- It’s sperm, professor.- You flunk!!! Next!Next students walk in and the same question with the same sample is asked. Those answering “Spit” get “A”, those saying “Sperm” get “F”. After the last student has gone, professor decides to look at the sample himself. He finds a chunk of sperm, runs out of the room, and cries to the last student:- It’s sperm! Those who had “A” will have “F”, those with “F” get “A” and tell that first student to brush her teeth in the morning!