There were two blondes at the park. One says, “Look at that dead seagull over there.” And the other looks up and says, “Where?”

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer won’t let him in the guy asks, “‘Why not?” “Because you’re not wearing a tie,” says the bouncer. “But I have come all the way from the other end of town

No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize a cat.