1. “You get this round and the next round is on me.”
I’ll be leaving before the next round.

2. “I’ll get this round and the next one is on you.” Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they”ll be $3.50.

3. “Hey, where is that friend of yours?”
I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.

4. “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel.” (female)
I”m easy.

5. “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel.” (male)
I”m gay.

6. “Ever try a body shot?” (male to female)
I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.

7. “Ever try a body shot?” (female to male)
If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I’ll do to you on the ride home?

8. “I don’t feel well, let’s go home.” (female)
You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

9. I don’t feel well, let’s go home.” (male)
I”m horny.

10. “Who’’s got the next round?”
I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

“I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through.”

The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through–over the balcony railing. Just then John’s date walked out.

“Isn’t Spot the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?”

“To tell the the truth, ” he replied, “Spot seemed a little depressed to me!”

POST GAME DISCUSSION

Two Rams fans were standing at a bar. The one fan said to the other, “You know, the Patriots might have won the Super Bowl, but their fans are such a**holes!”

A man walked up to them and with a mad look on his face said, “I find that statement offensive!”

One of the Rams fans replied, “Oh, you must be a Patriots fan.”

“No,” the man said, “I’m an a**hole!”

How do you know when a blonde’s been sending e-mail?

Envelopes in the disk drive.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, ”Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink.” The bartender gets him a drink. Bob says, ”Donkeyboy, get me another drink.” The bartender gets him another drink. Finally Jim says to the bartender, ”Why does he call you Donkeyboy?”

”I don’t know. Hehawhehawhehawhe always calls me that.”