There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line.

The first little baby says, “Ugh, look at this – my mom just bought strained plums!”

The second baby says, “You think that’s bad – my mom just bought strained peas!”

And the third baby says… “You think you guys got it bad?
How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!”

What if Operating Systems were Airlines?
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides; then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. They then push again, jump on again, and so on…

Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air
The airport terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Q: How do you confuse a Blonde?
A: Put her in a round room tell her to find a corner and pee in it.

Q: How does a blonde confuse you?
A: She comes out and says I did it.

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer which he then proceeds to drink half of. The other half he pours on his left hand. He orders another beer and does the same. He continues to do this for several beers at which point the bartender can no longer stand the suspense and asks him what he’s doing to which he replies, “I’m getting my date drunk.”

A JAMAICAN WALKS INTO THE DOCTORS WITH A PARROT ON HIS HEAD,THE DOCTOR SAYS CAN I HELP YOU AND THE PARROT SAYS CAN YOU GET THIS BLACKHEAD OFF MY FOOT.

Two blodes were at a gas station one blode got out to go and get some food she comes back and say’s i have locked my keys in my car!! so she goes to get some help moments later she comes back with a coat hanger and she stickes the hanger in the car window and the blond in the car is sittin there saying “a little to the left back to the right”.