A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Get outta here! We don’t serve your type. This is a singles bar.”

Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with “Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.

“What you need,” he said, “is a female parrot too. I don’t have one on hand, but I’ll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives.”

Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn’t care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn’t her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn’t changed.

“Somebody’s gonna get it tonight! Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” the parrot said.

The owl said, “Who? Who?”

And the parrot said, “Not you, you big-eyed Son of a Bitch.”