A Contender for the 1997 Darwin Awards

(Courtesy of the Japan Times -April 16, 1997)

“The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of
Pumping”, a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told
reporters. “If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the
cream of Thailand’s manhood.”

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai
Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital’s emergency room.
“Most ‘Pumpers’ use a standard bicycle pump,” he explained,
inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush
of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God.”

Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder
foot pump, but even that wasn’t exciting enough for him, and he
boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose
at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under
cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not realizing how powerful the
machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed
a coin in the slot. As a result, he died virtually instantly, but
passers by are still in shock. One woman thought she was watching
a twilight firework display, and started clapping.

“We still haven’t located all of him.”, say the police authorities.
“When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system,
he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something.”

“Pumping is the devil’s pastime, and we must all say no to satan,”
the spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital concluded.
“Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump
where it cannot tempt you.” Let’s hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak,
the NEW 1997 undisputed Darwin Awards recipient!