A goldfish walks into a bar, right? Jumps up on a bar stool
and looks at the bar tender really hard. And the bartender
asks the goldfish, “What can I get you?” Goldfish lookings
at the guy really deep and hard and in a desperate gasp says
“Water.”

How do you circumcise a whale? - Four skin divers.

Why do whales make such great lovers? - A Because they have
an 8-foot-long tongue and a hole in the back of their head
they can breathe out of!

Why is a turtle like a prostitute - they’re both fucked when
they’re on their backs.

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. “What can I get
you?” asked the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club”
replied the seal.

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus on his shoulder. The
bartender says “you can’t bring that in here!” The guy says
“Why not? He’s a pet. Plus I’ll bet you a drink he can play
any instrument in here.” The bartender says “okay, here’s a
trombone, I’ll bet a drink he can’t play it.” The octopus picks
it up and starts playing a tune. The bartender is a little upset
and pulls out a clarinet and says, “I bet another drink he can’t
play this.” The guy says okay and the octopus picks up the
clarinet and starts playing away on it. By now the bartender
is really upset. He’s had to give the guy 2 free drinks already.
Then he remembers he has an old set of bag-pipes in the back.
He tells the guy, “I’ll bet you one more drink he can’t play
something else I have,” and throws out the bag-pipes. The octopus
takes one look at the set of bagpipes and starts swarming all
over it, pulling on the pipes and squeezing the bag. The bartender
laughs and says, “I guess I win.” The guy says, “just give him a
minute. As soon as he realizes he can’t fuck it… he’ll play it.