Why do niggers carry shit in their wallet?
Identification

Why do niggers wear wide brimmed hats?
So birds won’t shit on their lips

How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling

Why do niggers smell so bad?
So blind people can hate them too

Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time?
He doesn’t know he’s black

Why can’t Stevie Wonder read?
He’s black

How do you get a nigger down from a tree
Cut the rope

How do you stop a nigger from hanging around in your front yard?
Hang him in the back

What do you do when you see a nigger with one leg?
Stop laughing and re-load

How many niggers does it take to pave a road?
Depends on how you slice them

What’s green and pink and purple and orange?
A nigger dressed for church

What’s the difference between a deer in the road and a nigger in
the road?
The deer has skid marks in front of it

What is wrong with 4 niggers going over a cliff in a cadilac?
It seats 5

What do you say when you see your t.v. floating around at night?
Drop it nigger

Why are niggers so strong?
T.V.’s are getting heavier

Why are niggers so fast?
All slow ones are in jail

What do you call a nigger having sex?
Rapist

What happened to the nigger that had an abortion?
Crime stoppers sent her a check for 500 dollars

What are 3 things you can’t give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip, and a job

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off his head

What is the difference between batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without robin

What’s the definition of mass confusion?
Father’s Day in Harlem

Why shouldn’t you hit a nigger riding a bike?
Because the bike is probably yours

Why do white people go to black people’s garage sales?
To get their stuff back

What do black kids get for Christmas?
Your bike

What is long and hard on a nigger?
First Grade

Why do Black People lean to the middle when they drive?
They think the smells comin’ from the outside

Where is the best place to hide a nigger’s food stamps?
Under his work boots.

Why do niggers have red eyes after having sex ?
Because of the pepper spray

What’s the difference between a nigger and a bike?
When you put chains on a bike it doesn’t start singing

How do you know Adam and Eve weren’t black?
Ever try taking a rib from a nigger?

What was missing from the million man march?
An auctioneer

How long does it take a nigger to shit?
Nine months

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start

What does a smart nigger, and Santa Clause have in common?
They’re both fictional characters

Why are the trees in harlem so close together?
Public transportation

In 4th Grade who has the biggest dick,
the wetback,
the white boy,
or the nigger?
The nigger,,, he’s 16

What do you call a white man surrounded by 5 black men?
victim

How about a white man surrounded by 10 men?
A quarter-back

How about a white man surrounded by 20 black men?
basketball coach

A white man surrounded by 40 black men?
a football coach

A white man surrounded by 1,000 black men?
a warden

What do you call a barn full of dead niggers?
Antique farm equipment

What’s long and black?
The unemployment line

How do you start a black parade?
By rolling a penny down the street

What goes Fee Fi Foe Fee Fi Foe Fee?
Mike Tyson giving out his phone number

What do black people give their daughter when she turns 13?
A baby shower

Why do niggers wear high heel shoes?
So their knuckles won’t drag on the ground

What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a nigger?
A dumb gorilla

What do you get when you cross a monkey and a nigger?
Nothing, monkeys are too smart to fuck niggers

What do niggers and sperm have in common?
Only one in two million work

Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

How did the nigger break his leg raking the leaves?
He fell out of the tree.

How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
He promised to create jobs for them if elected.

What do you call a nigger in a suit?
Defendant

What do black girls and bears have in common?
They both suck their paws

What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit in his face

Judi decides to do something wild she hasn’t done before,
so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store and, after looking around
for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something
comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment,
there’s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls
the video store to complain.

Judi: “I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s
nothing on the tape, but static.”

Store Clerk: “Sorry about that. We’ve had problems
with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?”

Judi: “It’s called ‘Head Cleaner’.”

Dear Crabby:

I am a sailor in the United States Coast Guard. My parents live
in the suburbs of Philadelphia and one of my Sisters, who lives
in Bensonhurst is married to a transvestite. My Father and Mother
have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana.
I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole
life sentence in Attica, for murder, the other currently being
held in the Wellington Remand Center on robbery charges. I have
recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time “working girl”
in a brothel; however, her time there is limited, as she has
recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon
as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of
opening our own brothel, with my fiancé Utilizing her knowledge
of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two Sisters
would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer
them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off
the streets and, hopefully, the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing
her into the family, and of course I want to be totally honest
with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Detroit
Lions fan? –Signed, Worried

Q: What’s red white and makes you laugh?
A: A busload of Pakistanis going over a cliff

Q: How do you tell how many Pakistanis live in a town?
A: Count the windows and multiply by 36

Q: Why don’t they let Pakistanis swim in Lake Windermere?
A: Because they would leave a ring

Nothing smells worse than an Indian

Q: Why did the Pakistani trade his wife in for a toilet seat?
A: Because the hole was smaller and the smell the better

Three people are waiting at a bus stop, one white couple
and one pakie guy. The white couple has two German Shepard dogs
with them, one standing on each side of the pakie man. Both
dogs both take HUGE shits on the pakie man’s shoes at the same
time. The white couple apologizes to the pakie man, and the
pakie man says “it’s ok”. The bus finally arrives, the white
couple goes on first, they ask how much for the bus and the bus
driver says “2.50 for both of you”. So the white couple pays
and sits down. Then the pakie man asked “how much is it for the
bus?”, the bus driver replys saying ” 50 cents for you and
1.50 for your two children”

A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
“I think it’s raining”, he said to his wife.
“No, that felt more like snow to me”, she replied.
“No, I’m sure it was just rain”, he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw Comrade Rudolph,
a Communist Party official, walking toward them.

“Let’s not fight about it”, the man said,
“Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing”.

As the official approached, the man said,
“Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?”
“It’s raining, of course”, was the reply, and Comrade Rudolph walked
on.

But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like snow!”,
to which the man quietly replied:

scroll down

(Think you know the answer? See below.)

(Are you ready for this?)

“Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear”.

Happy New Year !!!

This couple is driving along the highway and the husband,
who is driving, is complaining about everything…the
heat, the long drive, bad drivers, the country, etc.
His wife is getting absolutely annoyed with his depressing
talk, so she says to him, “One more complaint and I’ll
cut your penis off with my Swiss army knife!” About
half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and
before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife and
slices her husband’s penis off and throws it out the
window.

Driving behind the couple’s car is another married couple
and their 8 year old daughter. The penis suddenly lands
on their car’s windshield and the father, in a panic,
quickly puts on the windshield wipers to get the dick
off the windshield and out of the view of his daughter.
After he does this, the daughter asks, “Daddy, what
was that?”. Her father, still in a panic, replies, “Oh
it was only a butterfly, dear.” To which his daughter
replies, “Fuck me, did you see the size of its dick!”

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we’d built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I’m speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn’t sound right.

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I’ll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don’t hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, ’cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

“That was some brothel,” he said with a smile,
“The reindeer are pooped, and I’ll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa’s next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I won’t even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

“This stuff ain’t for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I’ll leave ‘em here, and then I’ll just split.”

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, “Take me home Rudolph, this night’s been a bitch!”

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
“The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!”

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by people who run the country.

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run
the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the
country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do,
however, like their smog statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running
the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t have
to leave L.A. to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country, and they did a far superior job of it, thank you veddy
much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure
who’s running the country, and don’t really care, as long as they
can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running
the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous,
preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there
is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they
oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if
the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs,
who also happen to be illegal aliens from any country or galaxy as
long as they are democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country
but need the baseball scores.

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation,
aggravation, and frustration.

His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the
phone is answered, he asks, “Can I speak to Bill, please?”
“No! There’s no one called Bill here,” says the person who answered
the phone.

His father hangs up. “That’s irritation,” he says.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Bill
a second time.

“No, there’s no one here called Bill. Go away. If you call again I
shall telephone the police,” the person says.

His father hangs up and says, “That’s aggravation.”

“Then what’s frustration?” asks his son. The father picks up the phone
and dials the same number a third time.

“Hello, this is Bill. Have I received any phone calls?” he asks
casually.

I’m sending this “warning” only to a
few of my closest friends. You, too, may have been a victim
… read on.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd
a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my
body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had
the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel
thing to legs that had been wholly, if imperfectly, mine for
years? Whose thighs were these? What happened to
mine?

I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain,
at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed.
I became obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite and
flesh that turns to bumps in the night. Finally, hurt and angry,
I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer
Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My
rear end was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took
pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least
three inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had
stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complemented my legs, lump
for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning
while fixing my hair, I watched, horrified but fascinated, as the
flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the
hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being
replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time. In the
end, in deepening despair, I gave up my T-shirts.

What could they do to me next? Age? Age had nothing to do with it.
Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something
like maturity. NO, I was being attacked, repeatedly and without
warning. That’s why I’ve decided to share my story. I can’t take
on the medical profession by myself. Women of America, wake up and
smell the coffee! That isn’t really “plastic” those surgeons are
using. You know where they’re getting those replacement parts,
don’t you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face
“lifted,” look again! Was it lifted from you? Check out those
tummy tucks and buttocks raisings. Look familiar?
Are those your eyelids on that movie star? I think I finally may have
found my thighs…and
I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is NOT a hoax! This is happening to women in every town
every night.
…….Warn your friends!!!!!!!