A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: “What are you doing here today?”

Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give
me $5 for it.”

Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself.
But they pay me $25.”

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some
more before going their separate ways.

Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the
donation center.

Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One
day he has finally saved enough money, so he goes down to the
dealer. After he picks up the perfect bike, the dealer tells
him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his
new bike free from rust.

The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of
Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains and
everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.

After a couple of months he meets a lady and she asks him to
take her home to meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts
and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on
his Harley and they ride to her parents’ house.

Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family
tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the
dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for
the first person to speak and get stuck doing the dishes. After
a long 15 minutes the young man decides to speed things up, so
he reaches over and kisses the girl in front of her family. No
one says a word.

Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in
front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting
desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table.
They have even wilder sex. No one says a word.

By now he is thinking of what to do next when he hears thunder
in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on
his Harley, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his jar
of Vaseline.

And the father shouts, ‘Okay damn it, I’ll do the dishes.’

‘Passionate kiss, like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.’

‘Virginity like bubble. One prick and all gone.’

‘Man who run in front of car get tired.’

‘Man who run behind car get exhausted.’

‘Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.’

‘Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.’

‘Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.’

‘Man who scratches arse must not bite fingernails.’

‘Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.’

‘Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk.’

‘Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.’

‘War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.’

‘Man who sleep in cathouse by day sleep in doghouse by night.’

‘Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.’

‘It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.’

‘Man who drive like hell bound to get there.’

‘Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.’

‘Man who lives in glasshouse should change in basement.’

‘He who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.’

‘Man who farts in church sits in own pew.’

‘Man with one chopstick go hungry.’

‘Woman who fly airplane upside down have harry crack up.’