There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems. So she got on her knees and prayed “Dear God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or I’ll loose my car, the house, and everything else.” She doesn’t win. The next day she prays to God “God! I really need your help! I’ll loose my car, the house, and everything else.”
Once again, she doesn’t win. The next day she says the same prayer; then God speaks to her 揅indy! Work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!”

One day a blonde walked into a store and said
“I`d like to buy that TV.”
The salesman said “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”
The blonde went home and dyed her hair red. She went back to
the store and said “I抎 like to buy that TV.”
“Sorry we don’t sell to blondes.” The man replied again.
She went and dyed her hair black, then returned to the store
and said “I抎 like to buy that TV.”
Again the man said “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes.”
The blonde finally asks “How did you know I was a blonde?”
The man said “Because that抯 not a TV its a microwave.”

1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (In the back seat of a car) and they say romance is dead…
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
11. Person 1: This is your first time. Right? Person 2: Yeah.. Today.
12. (In the No Tell Motel) hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let’s turn off the lights.
17. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you’re as good- looking when I’m sober…
21. (Holding a banana) It’s just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will you!
24. You look younger than you feel..
25. Got any penicillin?.
27. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
31. (In a manage a trios) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth…
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards.
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You’re good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel…
42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
47. No, really… I do this part better myself!
48. Its nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people.
50. You’re almost as good as my ex!

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. “Miss Smith,” he said finally, “it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination.”

Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: a foursome.

Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.”The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.

The brunette says, “I can’t accept this money. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says the blonde.

“I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”

A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren’t necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.

The host asked, “Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?”

She responded, “The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!”

Several weeks ago, we hired a new blonde secretary who wasn’t the
brightest crayon in the box. One day when she was typing, she turned
to another secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What
do I do?”

“Just use the copier machine paper,” the other responded. With that,
the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier, and proceeded to make five blank copies.

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde’s blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

“I’m trying to pop out this dent, but it’s not really working.”

“Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!”