Q. What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

Q. What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
A. Brown-bagging it.

Q. What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it.

Q. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A. So brunettes can remember them.

Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible.

Q. What’s a brunette’s mating call?
A. “Has the blonde left yet?”

Q. Why didn’t Indians scalp brunettes?
A. The hair from a buffalo’s butt was more manageable.

Q. Why is a brunette considered an evil color?
A. When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

Q. What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A. The invitation

Q. What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A. A hostage

Q. Who makes bras for brunettes?
A. Fisher-Price

Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their mustache.

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in
Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows
to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of
$600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull.

She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a
bull. “It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.”
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says,
“I’d like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that
says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer.”

The man behind the counter tells her, “Telegrams to anywhere in
the U.S. are $.75 per word.” She thinks about it for a moment and
decides. “I’d like to send one word, please.” “And what word
would that be?” inquires the man. “Comfortable.” replies the
brunette.

The man asks, “I’m sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna
understand this telegram?” The brunette replies, “My friend is
blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see
COM-FOR-DA-BULL.

“How come you’re late?” asked the bartender, as the blonde
waitress walked into the bar.
“It was awful,” she explained. “I was walking down Elm street
and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his
car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was
broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood
everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.
“What did you do?” asked the bartender.
“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep
from fainting!”

A blonde, a brunnette and a redhead all tried out for the same job
as road stripers.

The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day the redhead had painted 3 miles, the
bruenette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles.

The boss was so exited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day the redhead painted 5 miles, the bruenette 5.6 miles
and the blonde 4 miles. The boss told her not to worry, “You still
have a good lead.

So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the bruenette
5 miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, “What went wrong,
you were doing so good.”

She said, “Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and
further away.”

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the
flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked
to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while
the other somehow had gone directly in.

They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were
both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to
the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling. After hearing their
story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such
adverse conditions he asked, “OK, so who was playing the yellow ball ?

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of
cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a
boob job.”

The second woman says “Oh that’s nothing, I’m thinking of having my
asshole bleached!”

To which the first replies, “Whoa I just can’t picture your husband
as a blonde!”

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his
co-workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them
it had happened at church. They didn’t believe him, and wanted to
know what really happened.

So he told them, “I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed.
When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the
biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack,
so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her.
She did not like that, so she hit me.” The guys laughed and ribbed
him about it all day.

The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again
the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he’d got beaten
up at church. Again they didn’t believe him, so he explained, “I went
to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing
the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her
dress again stuck up her butt-crack.”

At this point the other men interrupted and said, “Please tell us you
didn’t pull her dress out of her crack again?”

“No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn’t like that,
so I shoved it back in.”

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the
merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, “I need to be honest with you, I’m
getting a boob job.”

The second woman says “Oh that’s nothing, I’m thinking of
having my asshole bleached!”

To which the first replies, “Whoa I just can’t picture
your husband as a blonde!”

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared
before her.

“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of
love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are
always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to
thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said
God.

“Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of
Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since
the Church supports me. I am content in all ways,” said the nun.

“There must be something you would have of me,” said God.

“Well, there is one thing,” she said.

“Just name it,” said God.

“It’s those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere,
not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.”

“Consider it done,” said God. Blonde jokes shall be stricken from
the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I
could do just for you.”

“There is one thing. But it’s really small, and not worth your
time,” said the nun.

“Name it. Please,” said God.

“It’s the M&M’s,” said the nun. “They’re so hard to peel.”

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly
a fairy appears and offers to grant each of them one
wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly,
she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims
off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the
previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black
haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and
sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent
than the previous two.

The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across
the bridge!