Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
“Thanks for the refill!”

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
The 1986 hide and go seek champion.

How do you get a blonde on the roof?
You tell her drinks are on the house!

Why don’t blondes breast-feed their babies?
It hurts too much to boil the nipples.

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.

What do smart blondes and UFO’s have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

What’s the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why does a blond wear a tight skirt ?
To keep her legs closed.

What’s the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
You can drop your load in a washer and it won’t follow you
around you for a week.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
1: They can’t find the zipper.
2: They cant find the pull tab.

Two blonds walk into a bar — which is really dumb.
You would think the second blond would have seen it.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a tree?
A tree knows when it’s being cut down!

Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
1: She’d just dyed her hair.
2: She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it
blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

What’s a brunette’s mating call?
1: Has that blonde gone yet?
2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave !?
3: “All the blondes have gone home !”

Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.

Why do blondes like the GST? (GST — Goods and Services
Tax now in effect in Canada) or VAT (VAT - Value Added Tax
now in effect in the U.K.)
Because they can spell either one.

What is 74 to a blonde?
69 plus G.S.T.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.

How do you change a blonde’s mind?
1: Blow in her ear.
2: Buy her another beer.

Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
To put their feet through.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
attractive ?
Her ankles.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.

Why do blondes wear RED lipstick?
Because red means stop, WRONG HOLE…

How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Why don’t blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.

Why do blondes wear underwear?
They make good ankle warmers.

What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.

What is dumber than two brunettes trying to build a
house at the bottom of the ocean?
Two blondes trying to burn it down!

How do you teach a blonde maths?
Minus her clothes divide her legs give her a square root and
see what multiplies.

Why don’t blondes eat Jello?
They can’t figure out how to get two cups of water into
those little packages.

Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
Because they can’t get their head in the jar.

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn’t done before, so she
sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video
store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that
sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips
into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her
disappointment, there’s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls
the video store to complain.

Blonde: “I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on
the tape, but static.”

Store Clerk: “Sorry about, that. We’ve had problems with some of those
tapes. Which title did you rent?”

Blonde: “Let see. It’s from Sony. OK! I got it! It’s called
‘Head Cleaner’.”

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and
pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend
buying flowers. She sighs and says, “Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying
me flowers again….for no reason.”

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, “What’s the big deal,
don’t you like getting flowers?”

The red head says, “Oh sure…..but he always has expectations after
giving me flowers, and I just don’t feel like spending the next three
days on my back with my legs in the air.”

The blonde says “Don’t you have a vase?”

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette,
and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn
where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed
up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them
for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The
sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got
up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back,
“Just three gunnysacks.”

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked
the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, “Bow-wow”, so
the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, “Meow”, so
the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound
at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, “Potatoes”.

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
(I don’t know how they got there — it’s a joke, okay.) Ten were
blonde, and one was brunette. They all decided that one person
should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and
everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette gave a
really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to
save the others.

All of the blondes started clapping.

Two blondes are walking down the sidewalk one day when the one
stumbles upon a Compack, curious, she opens it and says,”Damn,
this person looks famaliar”.

The other Blonde replies,”Let me see that” and grabs it from her.
She then replies back hastely, “Well No SHIT, dumbass, it’s me.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive,
blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight
to the mailbox. She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut,
and stormed back into her house. A little later she came out of
her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed
it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man
was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She
marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed
harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her,
“Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer
keeps telling me I have mail!”

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto,
the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines
has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will
take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three
engines left.”

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine
has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours.
But don’t worry, we can fly just fine on two engines.”

An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed
and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t
worry, we still have one engine left.”

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

“Dumb BLONDS”

There were two blonds sitting at a bar one day. They ordered
their drinks and sat at the bar for a while. Suddenly, they
both stood up, slapped hands, and yelled, “Fifty-five!” The
bartender was pretty confused but just decided to ignore them.

About five or ten minutes later, they both stood up again,
slapped hands, and yelled, “Fifty-five!” Again the bartender
just decided to ignore them.

Ten minutes later they followed the same routine. By now the
bartender was getting pretty annoyed, so he went over and asked,
“Why do you girls keep standing up and yelling fifty-five?”

One of the blonds said, “Well, we stopped at Toys R Us on the
way here and got a puzzle. On the side of the box it said 2 to
4 years, but we got it done in fifty-five minutes!”

Q: Why don’t blondes in San Francisco wear miniskirts?
A: Their balls hang out.

Q. What is the difference between a dead snake in the
road and a dead blond in the road?
A. There’s skid marks before the snake

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath!!

Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A. Alone.

Q. What do blondes and shrimp have in common?
A. Their heads are full of mush, but the pink part tastes good.

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were
approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the
pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until
they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blond
employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument
for us? Would you please pronounce where we are, very slowly?”
The blond girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr,
gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.

THAT BLONDE IS SO DUMB,

…she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

…she thought a quarterback was a refund.

…she thought General Motors was in the Army.

…she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

…she tripped over a cordless phone.

…she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it
said “concentrate”.

…she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and
“DONT WALK”.

…at the bottom of the application where it says “sign here,”
she put “Sagittarius”.

…it takes her two hours to watch “60 Minutes”.

…she studied for a blood test-and failed.

…when she saw the movie rating “NC-17: under 17 not admitted”,
she went home and got 16 friends.

…when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport
Left”, she turned around and went home.

…she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death