A blonde walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down
the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help.

“I’d like a box of birdseed,” said the lady.

“For which kind of bird?” he asked helpfully.

“Oh, I dunno,” she replied. “Whichever will grow the fastest.”

There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful
blonde teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the
son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became
pregnant and, sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby
boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever
seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be
the father of that child. “Look at the two beautiful daughters I
fathered.” Then he gave her a stern look and asked, “Have you been
fooling around on me?”

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time.”

A Russian, an Americaan, and a blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said,
“We were the first on the moon!” The blonde said, “So what? We’re
going to be the first on the sun!”. The Russian and the American
looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the
sun, you idiot, you’ll burn up!” said the Russian. To which the
blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know, We’re going at night!”

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his
company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he
asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead,
who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded,
“The living one”.

You can be sure someone is an blond bimbo when she:

Puts lipstick on her forhead because she wanted to makeup her mind.

Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

Was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin’ “Free Lays!”

Tries to drown a fish.

If you gave her a penny for her intelligence, you’d get change.

Thinks socialism means partying.

Trips over a cordless phone.

Takes a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here” she put
Sagittarius.”

Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Studies for a blood test and fails.

Invents a solar powered flashlight.

Sells the car for gas money.

Heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moves.

Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 bus twice instead.

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, “PULLOVER!”
“NO,” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only
the breaststroke. Just three women entered the race, a brunette,
a redhead, and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours the brunette staggered up on the
shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.

About 40 minutes later the redhead crawled up on the shore and
was declared to be the second place finisher.

Nearly 48 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and
promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the
race, she replied, “I don’t want to sound like I’m a sore loser,
but I think those two other girls were using their arms.”

A blonde at a party, was telling her friend that she’d gone off
men for life. “They lie, they cheat, and they’re just no good,”
she moaned.

“From now on when I want sex, I’m going to use my tried and
tested plastic companion,” she said.

“What happens when the batteries run out?” asked her friend.
“That’s simple,” replied the blonde. “I’ll just fake an orgasm
as usual!”

This blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on
the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found
your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my
bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”

The milkman asked, “Pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No, just up to my tits.”

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of
her body with her finger she says, “Doctor it hurts everywhere.
My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head
hurts!” The doctor asks, “Were you ever a Blonde?” “Yes, I was,”
she replies. “Why do you ask?” The doctor answers, “Because
your finger is broken!”