Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix,
the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our
engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about.
Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but
we still have three engines left.”

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more
engine has failed and the flight will take an additional
two hours. But don’t worry . . .we can fly just fine on
two engines.”

An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine
has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour.
But don’t worry… we still have one engine left.”

Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in
the next seat and sighed, …….”If we lose one more
engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
A: Write “Please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his
clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the
bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that
terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”

“Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted
thing?” the manager asked.

“That’s the one!”

That’s great!” the manager cried, “I thought we’d never get rid
of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever
had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?”

“Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his
guide dog bit me.”

“What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when, Jason, a college
student delivered his pizza.

“Well,” Jason replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other
guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”

“Is that so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.”

“Thanks,” Jason said, “I’ll put it in my college fund.”

“By the way, what are you studying?” inquired the man.

Jason replied, “Applied psychology.”

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had
a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling
about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his
new apartment. “I have a wife and three children and I’d love to
have you visit us.”

“Great. Where do you live?”

“Here’s the address. And there’s plenty of parking behind the
apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open
with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your
left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down
the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell
with your right elbow and I’ll let you in.”

“Good. But tell me… what is all this business of kicking the
front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then
my left elbow?”

“Surely, you’re not coming empty-handed.”

A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. “Are you
hiring any help?” she asked.
“No,” he said, “We already have all the staff we need.”
“Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?”
she asked.