A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS.’

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES.’

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’.

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expects to do this job since he is blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell.
The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him.

The manager asks, “What is it without touching it?”

The blind man replies, “That’s a good piece of fir.”

“Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one.”

“That’s a bad piece of willow,” says the blind man.

“Correct,” answers the manager. With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He gets his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face.

“I’m confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?”

The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face.

The blind man says, “Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the bathroom door off a tuna boat!”