A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she
finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no
price. She thought she’d die of embarrassment when the checker got
on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “Price
check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize.”

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the person looking for the price
misunderstood the word “Tampax” for “Thumbtacks.” In a businesslike
tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, “Do you want the kind
you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?”

A businessman walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing
numbers… like a telephone… on his hand and talking into his
hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough
neighborhood and he doesn’t need any trouble here. The guy says,
“You don’t understand. I’m very hi-tech. I had a phone installed
in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.”
The bartender says “Prove it.” The guy dials up a number and hands
his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and
carries on a conversation. “That’s incredible,” says the bartender.
“I would never have believed it!” “Yeah,” said the guy, “I can
keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way,
where is the men’s room?” The bartender directs him to the men’s
room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn’t
return. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender
goes into the men’s room. There is the guy spread-eagle on the
wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper
up his butt. “Oh my god!” said the bartender. “Did they rob you?
Are you hurt?” The guy turns and says: “No, I’m ok. I’m just
waiting for a fax.”

I’m new around here,” said a man to a little boy, “Will you please
direct me to the bank?” “I will, but it’ll cost you ten dollars.”
Answered the boy. “Why should I pay you so much?” Argued the man.
“Because bank directors are always highly paid.”

A man walks into the store to buy some tampons for his wife.
After walking around, unable to find them, he asks a clerk for
assistance.

She walks him over to the aisle where they are and he thanks her.
A few minutes later he walks up to the cash register and puts down
a big bag of cotton balls and a roll of string. Confused, the
cashier says, “I thought you were after tampons for your wife?”

The man says, “It’s like this… Last week I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came back with a
box of papers and a pouch of tobacco. I figure if I gotta roll my own,
so does she.”