Jay Leno, citing politicians’ favorite films:

“Dan Quayle — ‘Clueless.’
Steve Forbes — ‘Revenge of the Nerds.’
Al Gore — ‘Coma.’
Janet Reno — ‘Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.’
Hillary Clinton — ‘Sleeping With the Enemy.’
Strom Thurmond — ‘The Mummy.’
Pat Buchanan — ‘They Saved Hitler’s Brain.’
Monica Lewinsky — ‘Jaws.’
President Clinton — Francois Truffaut’s ‘The 400 Blows’”

(”Tonight Show,” NBC, 5/27).

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidentally tripped and fell
off a bridge into the cold water below. Three 10 year old boys were playing
along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and saved him and
dragged him to shore. He was so thankful that he told each of them,

“Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you
deserve a reward.”

The first boy says, “I want to go to Disneyland!” “I’ll take you there
myself!!!” exclaims Bill.

The second boy says, “I want a brand new pair of autographed Nike Air
Jordan’s.” “I’ll buy them for you myself,” says Bill.

“And I want a motorized wheelchair with a stereo built into it with custom
speakers” the third boy says. The president looks at the boy and says, “But
son you don’t look like you are handicapped to me.

“The boy says, “I’m going to be when my dad finds out that I saved you from
drowning!!”

A man goes to the White House Front Gate and asks to see
President Clinton. The Marine on duty tells the guy that
Clinton isn’t President any longer, please leave. The man
dutifully goes away.

The next day he comes back to the White House and asks
to see President Clinton. The Marine on duty tells the guy
that Clinton is not the President any longer, please go
away. Again, the man goes away.

The third day he comes back again, and again the same Marine
is on duty. The man asks to see President Clinton and the
Marine says, WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING HERE ASKING FOR HIM?
CLINTON IS NOT THE PRESIDENT ANYMORE!!!

The man smiles happily and says, I know, I just like hearing it!

At a recent interview, it seems that Bill Clinton broke out in rage after being asked a line of questions about him being controlled.

Interviewer: “Who pulls your strings, Bill? What special interests control you?”

Clinton (visibly upset): “You leave Hillary out of this!”

Acute: Opposite of an ugly

Artery: The study of paintings

Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria

Barium: What doctors do to dead patients

Benign: What you are after you’re eight.

Bowel: Letter like A,E,I,O, or U

Cat scan: Searching for a kitty

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her

Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome

Colic: A sheep dog

Concussion: A prisoner’s sofa

Congenital: To be friendly

D & C: Where the White House is

Dilate: To live too long

Enema: Not a friend

Fester: Quicker

Fibula: A small lie

GI series: A soldier ball game

Hangnail: A coat hook

Impotent: Distinguished, well known

Jaundice: To include in a group

Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives

Labor pain: Getting hurt at work

Leper: A wild cat

Malaria: Shopping place

Medical staff: A doctor’s cane

Morbid: A higher bid

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

Node: Was aware of

Outpatient: A person who fainted

Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis

Post-operative: A letter carrier

Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work.

Rectum: It almost killed him

Rheumatic: Amorous

Secretion: Hiding something

Seizure: A Roman emperor

Serology: Study of English Knighthood

Tablet: A small table

Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport

Tumor: More than one

Urine: Opposite of you’re out

Varicose: Nearby

Vein: Conceited

Where does Bill Clinton have sex?

- In the oral office.