Jay Leno, citing politicians’ favorite films:

“Dan Quayle — ‘Clueless.’
Steve Forbes — ‘Revenge of the Nerds.’
Al Gore — ‘Coma.’
Janet Reno — ‘Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.’
Hillary Clinton — ‘Sleeping With the Enemy.’
Strom Thurmond — ‘The Mummy.’
Pat Buchanan — ‘They Saved Hitler’s Brain.’
Monica Lewinsky — ‘Jaws.’
President Clinton — Francois Truffaut’s ‘The 400 Blows’”

(”Tonight Show,” NBC, 5/27).

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidentally tripped and fell
off a bridge into the cold water below. Three 10 year old boys were playing
along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and saved him and
dragged him to shore. He was so thankful that he told each of them,

“Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you
deserve a reward.”

The first boy says, “I want to go to Disneyland!” “I’ll take you there
myself!!!” exclaims Bill.

The second boy says, “I want a brand new pair of autographed Nike Air
Jordan’s.” “I’ll buy them for you myself,” says Bill.

“And I want a motorized wheelchair with a stereo built into it with custom
speakers” the third boy says. The president looks at the boy and says, “But
son you don’t look like you are handicapped to me.

“The boy says, “I’m going to be when my dad finds out that I saved you from
drowning!!”

A man goes to the White House Front Gate and asks to see
President Clinton. The Marine on duty tells the guy that
Clinton isn’t President any longer, please leave. The man
dutifully goes away.

The next day he comes back to the White House and asks
to see President Clinton. The Marine on duty tells the guy
that Clinton is not the President any longer, please go
away. Again, the man goes away.

The third day he comes back again, and again the same Marine
is on duty. The man asks to see President Clinton and the
Marine says, WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING HERE ASKING FOR HIM?
CLINTON IS NOT THE PRESIDENT ANYMORE!!!

The man smiles happily and says, I know, I just like hearing it!

At a recent interview, it seems that Bill Clinton broke out in rage after being asked a line of questions about him being controlled.

Interviewer: “Who pulls your strings, Bill? What special interests control you?”

Clinton (visibly upset): “You leave Hillary out of this!”

Acute: Opposite of an ugly

Artery: The study of paintings

Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria

Barium: What doctors do to dead patients

Benign: What you are after you’re eight.

Bowel: Letter like A,E,I,O, or U

Cat scan: Searching for a kitty

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her

Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome

Colic: A sheep dog

Concussion: A prisoner’s sofa

Congenital: To be friendly

D & C: Where the White House is

Dilate: To live too long

Enema: Not a friend

Fester: Quicker

Fibula: A small lie

GI series: A soldier ball game

Hangnail: A coat hook

Impotent: Distinguished, well known

Jaundice: To include in a group

Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives

Labor pain: Getting hurt at work

Leper: A wild cat

Malaria: Shopping place

Medical staff: A doctor’s cane

Morbid: A higher bid

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

Node: Was aware of

Outpatient: A person who fainted

Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis

Post-operative: A letter carrier

Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work.

Rectum: It almost killed him

Rheumatic: Amorous

Secretion: Hiding something

Seizure: A Roman emperor

Serology: Study of English Knighthood

Tablet: A small table

Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport

Tumor: More than one

Urine: Opposite of you’re out

Varicose: Nearby

Vein: Conceited

Where does Bill Clinton have sex?

- In the oral office.

One More Whore And We Get Gore HONK! If you had sex with the President Kennedy = Camelot Clinton = Lie-a-lot Clinton: We forgive you . . .Now Resign! Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency Adultery is NOT a family value Does character matter YET? America needs a President Not a Predator Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat My President Slept with Your Honor Student Jail to the Chief Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility If his private life doesn’t matter, let him date your daughter

Ex-President Clinton is currently writing a new National Anthem.

It’s called, “Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy.”

What might’ve happened:

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair.

They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Clinton says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

Why did bill quit playing the saxophone?

To play his WhoreMonica