What do Monica and Bob Dole have in common? They’re both upset Clinton finished first.

They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence. Turns out he didn’t tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.

How will Clinton build his bridge to the 21st century? Apparently while part of a federal prison work release program.

What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate labrador.

Clinton was at a fund raiser. He had to take a leak so he went
to the bathroom, stepped up to a toilet and whipped it out.

Just then Jessie Jackson walked in, went to the toilet next to
Clinton and took his out.

Clinton looked down and said “Geez, Jessie, how the heck did you
get such a big cock?”

Jessie said “Easy, every time I am about screw, I slap my dick
on the bed post four times, as hard as I can”.

Clinton put this in the back of his little mind. When Clinton
went home, he saw Hillary sound asleep. Bill felt the urge, so
he whipped little willie out and slapped it real hard four times
against the bed post.

At that time, Hillery said “Is that you Jessie?”

11) Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought
Melissa to complete the foursome.

10) Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great,
but he doesn’t do windows — yet.

9) The baby cries constantly. Maybe I’ll buy Fisher-Price.

Bought my first Macintosh. It’s sooooo cute!

7) Good day. Found over 15 bucks’ worth of soda cans in the trash
bins outside Microsoft headquarters.

6) Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen
I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.

5) Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!

4) Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!

3) Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china,
she means dishes.

2) Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.

The Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates’s Diary…….

1) Seventh day: rested.