Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you had “a friend” who “Knows all about computers” try to fix
it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself.
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
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__________________________________________________________

l8. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

l9. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__

A tech writer dies and arrives in Hell, where Satan
growls, “I gotta escort these other sinners into the
pit, lady. Take a seat and wait a minute!”

Terrified, the tech writer peeks behind a door and sees
a tech writer agonizingly formatting 12 million lines of
documentation on a flaming IBM XT computer.

Aghast, she peeks behind a second door and sees a tech
writer writing 23 million manuals on a mountain of screen
captures written by a shrill, egomaniacal programmer who
shrieks at every line.

In despair, she looks behind a third door and sees another
tech writer like herself, chairing a never-ending meeting,
munching bonbons, surrounded by fresh-faced admiring
engineers offering her gifts of flowers, fresh fruit
and fine wines and telling her she’s a documentation genius.

He returns and asks, “Well, which door, 1 or 2?”

The tech writer says, “I’d like Door 3, please.”

“You can’t have Door 3…That’s Engineer Hell.”

1) A particular model year of car wouldn’t be available until after that
year instead of before it.

2) Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you’d have to buy a
new car.

3) Occasionally your car would die for no reason, and you’d have to
restart it. For some strange reason, you’d just accept this.

4) You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
bought a car 95 or a car NT. But then you’d have to buy more seats.

5) Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
twice as reliable and five times as fast, but it would run on only 5% of
the roads…

6) The oil, gas,engine, and alternator lights would all be replaced with
a single “General Car Fault” warning light.

7) People would get excited about “new” features in Microsoft cars,
forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for
years.

We’d all have to switch to Microsoft gas.

9) The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an auto maker
instead of giving them.

10) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.