After many years at sea, John returned to his home village while
on leave. He hadn’t had a woman for may years and was desperate.

He immediately searched for a brothel. After searching, he finds
a suitable establishment.

After entering the brothel, he asks the madam how much for a woman.

‘£100′ she replies

‘I can’t afford that, I only have 50p’

‘I’m sorry sir but we have nothing for as little as 50p’

‘But please help me.. I’m desperate… I have been at sea for many
years…. I need a woman… any woman!’

The lady thinks for a moment and grins to herself.

‘Well if you are that desperate… go to room 23 down the hallway.’

Grateful to the madam, he searches for room 23.

He finally finds the room and enters. Inside he discovers the most
grotesque woman alive. Spots on her face, greasy hair etc.

‘How do you want me luv?’

‘Errr, on your back with your legs in the air!’

When she lays on her back and parts her legs, he is horrified to
see crabs running in between her legs.

‘Yuck, I ain’t doing that’

‘Well, I can turn on all fours!’ she replies

‘Ok’ says the man and immediatly she gets on all fours.

‘Oh my god… you have shit all over your arse.. that’s sick’

‘Well there is one more way we can do this.’

‘Is there?’ he asks

‘Yeah…’ and she removes an eye from its socket. ‘Stick your dick
in there… go on!’

He places his dick in the empty socket and starts pumping hard.

Minutes later he orgasms violently.

‘That was fantastic… how ’bout you?’

‘Great… when will you be in town next?’

‘In about 2-3 years time!’

‘Great, I’ll keep an eye out for you then!’

What’s the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?

Because they don’t have balls to scratch.