Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive; Star Wars has WAY
cooler action figure potential.

Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material;
Rose is just marriage bait.

Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size
of that thing!” and really mean it.

It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving
madman with a lightsaber instead of a handgun.

Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic
characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed
amphibians to Admiral.

Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.

We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats
his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy
because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.

Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?

People have not lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from
Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.

Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.

Two words: John Williams.

There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed “kings of the
world”?

If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship,
he would use the Force to get the key.

“I’d rather be his whore than your wife” just doesn’t have the same
sting as “I’d rather kiss a Wookie.”

Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo
simply freezes.

We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could’ve anticipated
“Luke… I am your father”?

Han Solo would’ve missed the dang iceberg!

This elderly couple is watching one of those television
preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends,
I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching
this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the
other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I
will heal you.”
The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems,
so she places one hand on the television, and her other
hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing
one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown his wife says, “Ernest, he’s talking about
healing the sick, not raising the dead!!”

What’s the difference between premenstrual tension and B.S.E?

One’s mad cow disease, the other’s an agricultural problem.