First, we want to apologize to our Polish friends, but remember
it’s just a joke!

Polands’s Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater
Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in
central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far
and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the
evening.

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.

I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two
pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.

I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss
on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don’t even know lady, she calla me
somma ma b*tch.

Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana
tell me fa cough! - I don’t even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!

Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky’s Place, the waitress she
bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - She
tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I
wanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonna
ma b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch.

So, I go back to my hotel room, an there’s no sheet on my bed. I
calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to
toilet. So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He say
you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don’t even know man
ana he call me sonna ma b*tch!

I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say
peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!

Q: How does an Amish father find his daughter in the field?
A: Pretty good.

There is an old Indian Tribe in the Amazon and their chief is getting old and a new, young challenger wants to be chief.

So the wise man of the tribe decides that whoever produces the loudest fart in a week will be chief.

The first few days pass and neither the chief or his young rival have farted.

The wiseman emerges and says, “Big Chief no Fart.” The next day a truck load of baked beans arrives for the Chief, but at the end of the day the wiseman says, “Big Chief no Fart.”

The next day, three truckloads arrives for the Chief, but again the wiseman comes out and says,”Big Chief no Fart.”

The Chief is becoming frustrated and orders an army of trucks loaded with baked beans.

At the end of the day the wiseman comes out and says… “Big Fart, no Chief!”

This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry”.

“Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?”. So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner.. The visitor asks, “How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?”.

The old man answers “Is name of owner.” The visitor asks “Well, who in the heck is the owner?”. “I am he”, answers the old man. “You? How in the heck did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?”

The old man replies, “Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go “What your name? He say Hans Olaffsen. She look at me…What your name? I say Sam Ting.”

(Sam Ting= ’same thing’)

Q: How do you confuse a Polak (polish guy)?

A: Put him in a round room and tell him to pee in the corner.

Pat and Mike work at the Guinness Brewery, and one day there’s an accident.

Pat calls Mike’s wife, Mary, and says: “Sure, and I hate to be tellin ya this, but there’s been an accident down at the Guinness.”

“Saints Preserve us,” says she, “is Mike alright?”
Pat responds, “I’d like to tell ya that, but it’d be a lie!”

“Ya don’t mean that me Mike’s been hurt?” says Mary.
“Sure, an it’s worse than that,” says Pat, “he’s fallen inta the beer vat and drowned!”

“Oh, well” says Mary, “At least it was quick, ya know he couldn’t swim a lick!”
“Oh, I wish I could be tellin ya that,” says Pat, “but it’s be a lie. He got out three times ta pee!”

An American, an Australian and an Irishman were stranded on an island for several days. One day a bottle washed ashore and when they picked it up, a genie rushed out.

Oh masters, he said. For releasing me from this bottle you will each have one wish.

The American said: I wish to be surrounded by a bevy of beautiful girls in Waikiki beach. Whoosh, the American was gone to Hawaii.

The Australian said: I wish to be in a casino in the Australian Gold Coast. Whoosh, and off he went.

The Irishman could not decide what he wanted. After a long time, he said: Gee, it’s very lonely here on this island. I wish my friends were back here!

A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese.

He says to the Irishman, “you’re in charge of Sweeping,I want this whole area swept up before I get back”.

He says to the Italian, “You’re in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away.”

He says to the Chinaman, “You’re in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back.”

Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done. The Irishman says, “I couldnt find a broom. You left the Chinaman in charge of supplies and he disappeared.” The Italian says “And I couldn’t find a shovel”.

So the forman starts walking and looking for the chinaman. Just then,the Chinaman jumps out from behind a pillar and screams “SUPPLIES!!”

Q. Why does the wind blow from the north in Indiana?

A. Kentucky sucks.