THE KILTED SCOTSMAN

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whiskey at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, “I’ve always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt.”

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, “Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now!
He must be rewarded!” So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt…and saw where the blue ribbon was tied.

After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said…
“I don’t know where y’been lad…but it’s nice ta’know y’won first prize!”

What’s the difference between an English Sheepherder and Mick Jagger?

Mick Jagger sings “Hey, Hey, you, you , get off of my cloud.”

An English sheepherder says: “Hey, Hey MacCloud! Get off of my ewe!”

What is the difference between a newfie and a bucket of shit…

Answer… The Bucket

A long time ago, way back then…we used to spell Canada, Cnd.
Why? you ask. Well it’s really simple…
It’s because we forgot the eh?

A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life in
general. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life…

…until one day, in the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper,
when he saw an article, which would change his life. It said: ”
…Scientist’s had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could still
find tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thing
needed was to find the correct cave and shout “Wohoo!!” and the tribe would
answer to this call.”

“This is it!” the swede thought. “This is what I’ve been waiting for! I’ll
sell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become rich
and famous!”

And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking for
the tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer. No cavemen.

Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: “Juhuuu!!” And then he
heard it! ” WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO !!!! ”

“Härregud!” The Swede thought, “A whole tribe!” And just as he was starting
to run to the cave, he thought: “Now wait a minute. These are cavemen. They
don’t wear any clothes, and I might scare then off.”
So he stripped his clothes off quickly, and started to run into the cave.

And the following day, he was in the headlines all over th world:
“Naked Swede ran over by a train in Africa”

Q. - How do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed?

A. - Put velcro on the ceiling.

Why are there no phone books in China?

Because there are so many Wing’s and Wong’s, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number

-What makes Britain so strong? -It´s the two-party system. One big
party on every friday and another big party on every saturday

Q. How can you tell when a Jewish girl has an orgasm?

A. She drops her nail file.

What goes Clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop
clip clop?

An Amish drive by shooting!