Pat and Mike work at the Guinness Brewery, and one day there’s an accident.

Pat calls Mike’s wife, Mary, and says: “Sure, and I hate to be tellin ya this, but there’s been an accident down at the Guinness.”

“Saints Preserve us,” says she, “is Mike alright?”
Pat responds, “I’d like to tell ya that, but it’d be a lie!”

“Ya don’t mean that me Mike’s been hurt?” says Mary.
“Sure, an it’s worse than that,” says Pat, “he’s fallen inta the beer vat and drowned!”

“Oh, well” says Mary, “At least it was quick, ya know he couldn’t swim a lick!”
“Oh, I wish I could be tellin ya that,” says Pat, “but it’s be a lie. He got out three times ta pee!”

An American, an Australian and an Irishman were stranded on an island for several days. One day a bottle washed ashore and when they picked it up, a genie rushed out.

Oh masters, he said. For releasing me from this bottle you will each have one wish.

The American said: I wish to be surrounded by a bevy of beautiful girls in Waikiki beach. Whoosh, the American was gone to Hawaii.

The Australian said: I wish to be in a casino in the Australian Gold Coast. Whoosh, and off he went.

The Irishman could not decide what he wanted. After a long time, he said: Gee, it’s very lonely here on this island. I wish my friends were back here!

A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese.

He says to the Irishman, “you’re in charge of Sweeping,I want this whole area swept up before I get back”.

He says to the Italian, “You’re in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away.”

He says to the Chinaman, “You’re in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back.”

Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done. The Irishman says, “I couldnt find a broom. You left the Chinaman in charge of supplies and he disappeared.” The Italian says “And I couldn’t find a shovel”.

So the forman starts walking and looking for the chinaman. Just then,the Chinaman jumps out from behind a pillar and screams “SUPPLIES!!”