1. You stand in “line-ups” at the movie, not lines.
2. You’re not offended by the term, “Homo Milk”
3. You understand the phrase, “Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine”
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4’s mean “Party at the camp, eh!!”
8. You don’t hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
9. You can drink legally while still a ‘teen.
10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12. You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it’s just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
14. You’re not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don’t want to know if he has!
15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and “taste like soap”.
22. You know that Mounties “don’t always look like that”
23. You read rather than scanned this list.

Q : What’s the difference between Malaysia & the US?

A : US’s got Bill Clinton, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder; Malaysia’s got Mahathir, no cash, no hope and bloody wonder!

If you’re an American when you’re out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re IN the bathroom?

European! (You’re a Peein’)

And if you really gotta go bad?

Russian!

Q: Do you know why Iraq’s navy has glass bottomed ships?
A: So the sailors can see their air force!

The young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandry… He felt different yet… couldn’t figure why… he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers… He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name…

The chief answered in his typically poetic way…”When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest… and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth.”

Then, the boy said to the Chief… And how did my sister “Thundering Bird” get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird’s mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky…

The boy asked again, how his cousin “White Crouching Bear” had been given such a name… And the chief, looking down once more at the boy, explaining the traditions of their tribe…. White Bear’s mother had seen a rare white bear crouched over a stream at the moment her baby’s birth. Then he asked the boy…

“Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”

Do you know why Polish men, when they go to sleep, bring one glass full of water and one cup empty?

It’s because they doesn’t know if they’ll be thirsty or not

1. You can name everyone you graduated with
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home
3. You know what 4-H is
4. You ever went to “headlight parties”
5. You used to drag “main”
6. You said the ‘f’ word and your parents knew within the hour
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won’t
8. You ever went cow-tipping
9. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the ‘buyer’ for all of the best parties
10. You have parties at the same guy’s house
12. School gets cancelled for state sporting events
13. The town social events are their children’s
14. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and, if you were old enough, they’d tell your parents, anyhow)
15. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them
16. Social acceptance in town depended on the approval of the five old (but rich) hags that met each morning at the donut shop for the latest smut
17. You were ever in the Homecoming parade
18. You have ever gone home for Homecoming
19. You fix up to go buy milk lest anyone starts the rumor that you have gained weight or quit taking care of youself
20. No place sells gas on Sunday
21. Friday nights fun consisted of standing in line for the one screen theater and since it was sold out, watching truckers and drinking coffee at the truck stop (the only place open after 10)
22. You have to drive an hour to buy a pair of socks
23. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town
24. You have ever gone for a walk in the cemetery, on a date
25. You ordered your waredrobe out of a catalog
26. You had senior skip day
27. The whole school went to the same party after graduation
28. The only ‘clique’ that nobody would be nice to was the skurves across the street
30. You don’t give directions by street names or house numbers, but you give directions by references (turn by Armstrongs’ Liquor, go two blocks past Andersons’, and it’s four houses left of the track field)

Poland’s worst air disaster occurred today when a two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery late this morning in central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

“Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.”

“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful.
Clearly, they are French.”

“No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise. They are Russian!”

Three best friends are at the corner bar on a Friday night as usual. One of them is an Italian, one is Black and the other is Jewish.

They are sitting around drinking some beers, and they make a wager. They bet who can make love to their wife and make her scream the longest. They agree to return next week and compare.

Next week, they all arrive at the bar at the usual time with smiles on their faces. The Italian guy says, “I definitely won. I took my wife out to dinner, bought her roses, then took her home and made love to her. She screamed for an hour.”

The black guy says, “Man, that’s nothin’. I cooked dinner for my wife, and for dessert I poured honey all over her and made love to her like never before. She screamed for two hours.”

The Jewish guy chimes in, ” I got you both beat. I made love to my wife for 3 minutes, pulled out, then wiped my schmeckel on the curtain. She’s still screaming!”