Farmer Greene decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough
to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning the farmer.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,”‘ asked the
lawyer.

Farmer Greene responded, “Well. I’ll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the … “I didn’t ask for any
details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you
not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’”.

Farmer Greene said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
was driving down the road …”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Greene’s answer
and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”

He thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my
truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was
thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move.
However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was
in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a
Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and
groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his
gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the
road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, “Your mule
was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”

A farmer was in the pub bragging about his pig. “That animal saved my
life twice,” he said. “Once I fell into the river and he jumped in
and dragged me to the bank. Another time my house caught on fire and
he ran in and saved me, the wife and kids.”

The farmer passes around a picture of the miraculous animal. One of
the guys notices the pig is missing a leg.

“Which accident did the pig lose its leg in?” he asks.

“Neither. An animal like that you don’t eat all at once!”

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an
accident.

In court, the company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the
lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the . . .”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m
fine’?”

Farmer Joe continued, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer
and I was driving down the road . . .”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman that he was just fine. Now, several months after the accident,
he is suing my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to
simply answer the question.”

But the judge was interested in Farmer Joe’s story and said to the
lawyer, I’d like to hear what he has to say about his mule, Bessie.

Joe thanked the judge and proceeded. “Well, as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her
down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop
sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
“I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear
ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just
by her groans.”Shortly after the accident, a highway patrolman came on
the scene.
He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the
eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand
and looked at me.
“He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are
you feeling?

This story’s about a farmer’s daughter who never realy tasted life.
Being almost in her thirties, she still lives with her parents.
One day, her mother comes to her; grips her shoulder quite firmly,
looks her straight in the eyes and says: “My dear… Your father
and I are two old persons who won’t be wandering on earth for too
long anymore… You should go out into the world and find a nice
young man to marry and to have children with.”

“But mother,” she replies, “I don’t have any idea what the world
outside our farm grounds is like…”

“Have no fear, my daughter… I will teach you how to find a suitable
man…” And thinking about the way SHE met her husband, the mother
starts telling her daughter how to meet a guy…

“The next time there’s a prom at the village, you will be going. You
should wear your Sunday gown and for the occasion, it would be
advisable to bathe. When a boy comes to you and asks if you would
like to dance, do so. When he comes to dance for a second time, do
so as well. Then, he will ask you if you’d like to go outside with
him to ‘catch some fresh air’. Go outside with him. Next, he’ll take
you for a walk into the forrests. Keep giving in, don’t be affraid.

Finally, he’ll ask you if you’d like to ‘take a dive into the bushes’.
This will be the moment when it all happens. After having examined the
flora, ask him what he’d like the baby to be named…”

The daughter, being very proud of this solemn mother-daughter-thing
-moment goes into town to see when the next party will occur. On a
sign-board, she finds out that there is a prom the next Saturday.

That Saturday, the girl goes to the dance in her sexiest outfit,
wearing some blush and eyeliner. After a while a nice fellow comes to
her and asks if she’d like to dance. Remembering what her mother
taught her, she dances with the man; once, twice. Half an hour later,
the guy asks is she’d like to go outside with him to taste the cold,
fresh air. She accepts. He asks her to have a quickie in the bushes,
she gives in.

After having had intercourse, the girl asks the man: “Er… And how
are we going to name the baby?”. At that moment the man removes the
condom he had been using, looks at it and says: “If he gets outta here,
we ought to call him Hudini”

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially two shiny, silver
walls in the mall lobby that could move apart and back together
again. The boy asked his father, “What is this father?”

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an older lady,
limping slightly with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls
and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady walks between them and into a small
room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched, small
circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued
to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls
opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, “Go get your Mother.”

A baby was born and was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around
the delivery room and saw the doctor.
“Are you my doctor?” he asked.
“Yes, I am,” said the doctor. The baby said, “Thank you for taking
such good care of me during birth.”
He looked at his mother and asked, “Are you my mother?”
“Yes, I am,” she said.
“Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born,” he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, “Are you my father?”
“Yes, I am,” his father answered.
The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his
index finger five times saying,
“I want you to know that THAT HURTS!!!!!!!

A farmer had 3 lovely daughters, all who had dates on Friday night.
One by one the local boys came by to pick them up.

The first boy arrived and said: “Hi, I’m Eddie, I’m here for Betty,
we’re going steady, is she ready?”

The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went on their way.

The second boy arrived and said: “Hi, I’m Joe, I’m here for Flo, we’re
going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer called Flo and she and Joe went on their way.

The third boy arrived in an old beat up pickup, came to the door and
said: “Hi, I’m Chuck”

The farmer shot him.

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp

Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only
on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage, along with a recipe.

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins Y’all won’t believe this shit……..

A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist,
“I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it.
Where do I find ‘em?”
The pharmacist replied, “Oh sir, you must mean that you want the
condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They’re on aisle 4.”

“No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it,”
growled the farmer. “Sir,” said the pharmacist, exasperated from
explaining, “PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for
killing sperm. I’m sure that you mean spermicide instead of
pesticide.”

“Listen here,” argued the farmer, “I want condoms with PESTICIDE
on it, my wife’s got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it.

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered.
A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting
here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”

The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just
can’t explain.”

“So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat
down next to the farmer.

“Well,” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking
her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she lifted her left leg
and kicked over the bucket.” “Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not
so bad.”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied.

“So what happened then?” the man asked. The farmer said, “I took
her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.” “And then?”
“Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got
the bucket ’bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the
bucket.” Man laughed and said, “Again?”

The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So, what did you do then?” the man asked. “I took her right leg
this time and tied it to the post on the right.”

“And then?” “Well, I sat back down and began milking her again.
Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over
the bucket with her tail.” “Hmmm . . . ” the man said and nodded
his head. “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said.

“So, what did you do?” the man asked. “Well,” the farmer said,
“I didn’t have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her
tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife
walked in . . . Some things you just can’t explain.”