A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake
biscuits in the kitchen.
“Mom?” she asks. “How do you keep Dad so happy after all these
years of marriage?”
The mother promptly threw a wad of biscuit dough on the floor,
hikes up her dress, and squats down picking the dough up with her
vagina.
“Practice this and when you can do it, I’ll guarantee that your man
will be satisfied for the rest of his life,” said her mother.
So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night.
While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged
wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough. She opened
the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and
squatted over the dough, letting out a thunderous fart as she did so.
Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.
“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked.
He replied, “Shit woman!” as he stepped further away. “If that thing
barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don’t want to throw
any meat at it!”

Three engineers are riding in a car: an electrical engineer,
a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly
the car stalls and stops by the side of the road. The
three engineers look at each other with bewilderment,
wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer, not knowing much about mechanics,
suggests, “Let’s strip down the electronics of the car
and try to trace where a fault might have occurred.”

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about electronics,
suggests, “Maybe the fuel has become emulsified and
is causing a blockage somewhere in the system.”

The Microsoft engineer suggests, “Why don’t we close
all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows
again, and maybe it will work.”

A girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for
I have sinned.”

“What is it, child?”

“Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at
myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.”

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, “My dear,
I have good news. That isn’t a sin… it s simply a mistake.”