To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please
remember that I do not need your help.

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle,
do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something
for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time,
not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying
about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present
in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don’t despair. There are people
in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of
work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person
who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman
in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed
her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance;
Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that
walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer
patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about,
asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live
long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness,
ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse.
You could be one of them!

Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have
touched their life in ways you will never know

A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they
found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it. In order
the figures were: 1. A Woman 2. A Donkey 3. A Shovel 4. A Fish
and 5. A Star of David.

After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader
took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings
were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a
lot about the people of that time.

1. The woman being placed first in the line of figures indicated
that women were held in very high esteem. It was most likely a
family oriented culture.
2. The donkey indicated they had domesticated animals. They probably
used the donkey to till the fields.
3. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how
to make tools.
4. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised
by also reaping from the sea.
5. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious
group of people.

A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the
speaker. When acknowledged he said…..
“I’m sorry to blow your conclusions, but you were reading it left
to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left. That way it
reads………
“Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that woman!!

I hope, one day, to live up to my dog’s opinion of me
– Author unknown

People want to say there isn’t racial profiling at the airport, but
let’s be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name
isn’t Ali, arrive at the airport extra early.

You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally,
but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as
10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late
with a video and those people are all over you. Let’s put Blockbuster
in charge of immigration.
— Jay Leno

When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her
ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. Since
I am an attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about
the occupations of family members, Mom answered, “My son is a lawyer.”
As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an
attorney. “Only to mow my lawn,” she said.

“May I take your order?” the waiter asked. “Yes, how do you prepare
your chickens?” “Nothing special sir,” he said. “We just tell them
straight out that they’re going to die.”

Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before….

If you speak three languages, you’re trilingual.
If you speak two languages, you’re bilingual.
If you speak one language, you’re American.

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s
our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they
mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.

A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did all
of my intelligence come from?”
The father replied: “Well, son, you must have gotten it from your
mother, ’cause I still have mine.”

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy jumped into a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.