I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub.

I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.

Don’t get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit.

This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.

Look, don’t go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you’ve got a palm.

Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT!

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.

Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you?

I’d like to break the monotony; where’s your weakest point?

The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?

I hear you are an officer. Your rank is — just plain rank!

You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.

You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.

Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck.

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair.

I hear you pick your friends — to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for.

People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals.

I wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more!

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!