The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies’ man,
and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress.

“So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?” he crooned.

“Actually, sir,” she pointed out sweetly, “for the first 45 years of
it, I wasn’t even around.”

You Are Different and That’s Bad
Dad’s New Wife Robert
Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
Some Kittens Can Fly
Grandpa Gets a Casket
The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Strangers Have the Best Candy

Why does Dolly Parton have such a small waist?
Because nothing grows well in the shade.

How can you pick Dolly Partons kids out in a crowd?
They’re the ones with stretch marks around their lips!

How to Teach a Kid a Lesson”

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, “What is the
difference between potentially and realistically?”

The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a
million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”

So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with
Robert Redford for a million dollars?”

The mother replied, “Of course I would! I wouldn’t pass up an
opportunity like that.”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

The girl replied, “Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would
be nuts to pass up that opportunity!”

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between
potential and realistic?”

The boy replied, “Yes, sir. Potentially, we’re sitting on two
million dollars, but realistically, we’re living with two sluts.”

Brody came home from school one day and asked his mom, “Mom,
what is sex?”

His mom was flustered, but she knew this day would come, and
decided to be honest. She spent the next hour explaining to
her son about the birds and the bees, and where babies came
from.

When she was done her son smiled, pulled a questionnaire out
of his pocket and pointed to the word sex: “That’s cool, but
how am I supposed to get it all in this little box next to the
F and the M?”

One day back in our old country side, a very old man walking
to the market had to cross a highway.

On this particular day there was much traffic moving up and
down the road and as the poor guy tried to cross over a car
knocked him down. A big crowd gathered at the scene of the
accident. Soon everyone was shouting out first aid instructions.

Some cried out “pour cold water on his head, he will wake up”.
Another felt that the old Sod only needed a little fresh air,
so he cried out “everyone - move back, let’s have some space
here for some fresh air”.

In the crowd was this crafty boy who on pushing his way to the
front screamed out “Ahaaaaa I know this man”

Everyone turned to face the boy and he said ” I know what you
can do to revive him” and everyone went “whaaat?” The boy “all
you need to do is to give him a bottle of beer and he will
wake up”.

Everyone was annoyed by what the little boy had suggested and
soon guys were knocking him around screaming out all kinds of
insults. The crowd got so carried away with this that for a
moment it forgot the old man.

Suddenly, the stricken man stirred and clearing his throat croaked
- “People, please listen to the young man…”