A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the point where the pathways meet. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, “You’ve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!” The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake’s body for a few minutes, he asserted, “Well, you’re scaly, you’re slimy, you’ve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you’ve got a forked tongue. I think you’re a lawyer!”

Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback and told St. Peter, “I’m really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations.”St. Peter replied, “We have over a hundred Popes here, and we’re really very bored with them. We’ve never had a lawyer.”

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said “There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” said the Rabbi, “My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening.” With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn. “What’s wrong?” asked the farmer. He replied, “I am grateful to you, but I can’t sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.” His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door,”What’s wrong, now?” the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, “I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can’t sleep on holy ground!” Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer?s door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”Q: And why did that upset you?A: My name is Susan.

In questioning potential jurors for an upcoming trial the Judge inquired, “Is there any reason why any of you cannot see this trial through to its conclusion?” A lone juror spoke up, “I can’t!” stated the woman, “Why, just looking at the woman I’m convinced she’s guilty!” “Madam,” said the Judge, “that’s the prosecutor.”

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s***?The bucket.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?A vampire only sucks blood at night.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?Nothing. There are some things even a pig won’t do.

Q: What’s the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer? A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.