Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig? A: Nothing. There are some things even a pig won’t do!

A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].Several periods of time later — it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic — the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.