It’s The Lawyer’s Job to Think Like That…
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A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was
talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I’ll be
ruined!”

“It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer.

“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”

“No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like
that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you
in contempt of court.”

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in
favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse,
he said to his lawyer, “Thanks for the tip about the cigars.
It really worked!”

Confidently the lawyer responded, “I’m sure we would have lost
the case if you’d sent them.”

“But I did send them.”, replied the man.

“What?” shouted the lawyer?

“I sure did, that’s how we won the case… good thing I
remembered to enclose the plaintiff’s business card.”

“I have good news and bad news,” a defense attorney told his
client.

“First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is
an exact match with the sample found on the victim’s dress.”

“Oh, no - I’m ruined!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is down to 140!”

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here is what happened:

Attorney: “Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?”

Coroner: “No.”

Attorney: “Did you listen to the heart?”

Coroner: “No.”

Attorney: “Did you check for breathing?”

Coroner: “No.”

Attorney: “So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man was dead, were you?”

Coroner: “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it is possible that he could be out there practicing law somewhere.”