10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let’s do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn’t:

1. Think you can get me off?

… Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

… You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

… Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

… You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are,
“Gentlemen, start your engines.”

… One of your kids was born on a pool table.

… Your dad walks you to school because you are
both in the same grade.

… You need one more hole punched in your card to
get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

… You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture
in your front yard.

… You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a
different night

… Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.

… You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

… You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
clean.

… You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
right off its wheels.

… You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

… The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on
how much gas it has in it.

… You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge’.

… You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’

… You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

… The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than
your spouse.

… You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table
in front of her kids.

… You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 36 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys!

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

Q: What is the definition “lucky break?”
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q: What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One’s a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other’s just a fish.

Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a 1-in-3 million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
A: Because people could not tell which side to spit on.

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.